When I was little, I thought people in their twenties were so put together, so knowledgeable, so adults, and, yes…so very old.
As I approached and lived through my twenties, I was convinced that my thirties would finally bring all of the wisdom and freedom I had so badly been longing for ever since I was very young and constantly heard “You’re a child, you can’t possibly understand. You need to, just, listen.”
As I contemplate my forties, I often find myself exclaiming “Oh, but that’s still so young!” when referring to fifty-something people. I often find myself living through multiple lives in one day.
I occasionally feel ‘put together’ only to shortly discover that I have to, again, gather all of the broken pieces and rebuild myself. I occasionally feel knowledgeable and wise, only to discover there is, actually, so much I still need to learn, so many times I am, definitely, not acting wise. I sometimes feel that I have freedom, but that is not what I had imagined freedom to be. And I occasionally feel relieved to have somebody else tell me what to do – that is if I ask them to.
I strive to no longer think about what comes next – though to be completely honest – it is quite the struggle, and to focus more on what is.
So “Cheers!” to me and to making friends with the frequently heard “But for your age, that’s not bad at all!” – clearly not referring to my cracking knees.
Wonderful thoughts… !
Thank you!
Hi Manu,
with every new period of my life I discover, amazed, surprised and disappointed at the same time, how naive and actually dumb I just was, still spending the time in the true and sincere belief that I reached the peak of my personal evolution. All wrong. The point is, while my brain and my personality still keep evolving, my body starts to decline. So, supposedly, my 48-50 will be my prime, from here on
experience will replace physical flexibility, wisdom will replace stamina, gray hair or no hair at all will let my brain shine through my skull and every single minute I will try to find a corner where, far away from every kind of human beings I would be able to relax or at least enjoy the silence…
Cheers
Ion O.
Hi Ion,
Nevertheless, in spite of all the, let’s call them, undesired changes, it’s not sadness or grievance that I read in your words. It’s acceptance and serenity with just the right amount of self-irony that keeps one away from becoming bitter.
So cheers – from a grey-haired person, to another 😉
Manu